A week in the woods...

I recently took some time off. The word "vacation" doesn't really seem to fit, at least not in the conventional sense. Vacation was the easy, formal way of telling people that I wasn't going to be at the office for a few days and that I couldn't be reached.



Curiosity got the better of me and so I looked up the word "vacation" on dictionary.com. Here's what it says, and I've paraphrased a bit:

Vacation - a part of the year, regularly set aside, when normal activities are suspended.


Sweet breath of the Goddess, did you say a mouthful there dictionary.com!



The simple explanation I gave to most of my co-workers was that I was going to the Mendocino forests to get away from it all. A week out in nature with my partner, camping, hiking and enjoying the peace of the forest. A few persistent questioners found out that I was going on a retreat. One or two figured out it was a "Spiritual" retreat. Although all of those descriptions were completely true, I did leave out the bit about being in the company of one hundred or so other Pagans that would be attending Camp also.

I could fill pages and pages of the blogosphere with my impressions of Camp but they'd all lose something in the translation. The entire experience was so incredibly rich and textured. The layers of the teaching were both perfectly in the moment and have continued to reveal themselves to me since returning. I use that word, returning in the broadest understanding because, the reality of the situation is that I don't feel I have come back.

To put that another way, I brought so much more of me back from camp and left a great deal of what I choose not to be up there in the ashes of the ritual fires. I discovered amazing, wonderful, terrifying, powerful aspects of myself. My relationship with the Pagan community at-large has been deepened. My devotion to my partner has never been greater, and my sense of purpose never clearer. Having said all of that, I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, as if I no longer fit in here. Everyday concerns seem concurrently incredibly important and completely immaterial. I vacillate between feeling hyper-connected to everyone and everything and vacant...actually, not vacant but empty. And empty in the best way possible, like a vessel waiting to be put to good use.

The whole Camp experience focused on the idea of transformation. Transformation whether you're ready for it or not. That statement sums up nicely where I've been in my personal life for many months - ready to transform, changing imperceptibly, but moving nonetheless. I've had this notion of transitioning from one male archetype to another. I'm no longer the adolescent or warrior type and I'm certainly not ready to be the sage, old magician. I seem to be stuck in between which, to we Pagans, is where we do some of our best work - between the worlds.

Professionally speaking, my company is in a transition period too and that's where I can take the magick of this Camp and bring it to the very mundane office world.

Each step in the transformative process causes upheaval. Each step creates a certain amount of discomfort, ranging from a slight period of adjustment to new circumstances to outright, excruciating pain. I've heard that even changes for the better, start off by being uncomfortable.

How we manage those periods of change is crucial to the survival of the business. If I allow myself or the parts of the company that I'm responsible for to fall into chaos during the changes, the company and I will suffer. Chaos in our company might manifest as lowered revenues, fewer sales, loss of staff, or poor communication with ourselves and our clients. If I can ground, center and shepherd in these changes from a place of understanding - understanding that some days will be easy an some will be volatile - we won't get caught up in upswells and downturns.

My work is to personally model what we want the company to look like after the transition, you know...Like Attracts Like stuff!

Magick in the work place...always more to do!